When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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