So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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