great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
