Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
