went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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