Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
