it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
