she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
