More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
