i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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