I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
