he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
