we made out on top of his cat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
