So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
