The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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