i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
