I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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