I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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