Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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