So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
