Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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