I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
