you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
