Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
