OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
