We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
