Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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