hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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