If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
