She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
