She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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