I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize