Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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