It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
