Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I believe in your delicious
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
