3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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