Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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