I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
