I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
whose parrot is this?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
