Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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