Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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