you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im holly from the hills drunk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
