Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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