I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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