i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
