I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
