I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
