he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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