So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
