you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
