Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize