nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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