This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
