I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
