So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize