okay pat passed out under dana's car
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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