I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
