My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
