Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
