I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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