Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
