hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
