I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
