we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
