1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
