My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
