these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
