feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
