clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
