i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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