If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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