i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
